Bachelor 6 - Randy London

Good Evening Legacy Land

After last night, you may be wondering if The Heiress will EVER find true love and happiness to continue the next generation.

Please be assured that last night's situation was turned over to the authorities and legal action has been taken.

And now, let's talk to Bachelor Randy London and find out what in the world he was thinking.

Randy London.  Last night we sent the six remaining bachelors on a group date with Caliopie.  We had a little challenge here at the house that allowed one of you to choose the location of the date.  You won that challenge Randy.  Where did you choose to take Caliopie on the group date?

Randy:  I took her to The Lizard Lounge.  My Uncle Larry runs the place so we could get free pool and booze  and stuff.   It's  real nice.  They've got like pool  and video games and hotdogs and *$#!+*

You can't swear.  We're on the air.

Randy :   Right.

Randy:  Hey look there's me on the TV!  Hey.  That was last night.  Cool.  K.  So we was at The Lizard Lounge  and I told that chick there that I could get her free pool cause my uncle owns this place, and she was like all impressed and stuff..  I don't think she's ever got free pool or nothin before.  I told her that if she stuck with me I could get her anythin she  wanted for free at The Lizard Lounge. Girls like that when you get em free  *$#!+*

No Swearing

Randy:  Right.  I didn't.  K. 

Randy:  So then she's like beggin to dance with me, and I wanted to show her a good time and all, so I'm like 'yeah baby, I'll dance with ya' and she was all like amazed cause I can dance like that Dirty Dancing guy.  

Randy:  So then she's  like 'can you get free video games too?' and I'm like 'yeah, I can give you anything you want baby' and she's like all impressed cause she doesn't have to pay for nothin.  So we go and I'm like kickin but on 'Cheerleader Massacre 5000" and she's like "nobody is better at that game than you Randy"  And I'm like "I know"  and then Orlando tells me that while I was playing Cheerleader Massacre 5000 that that chick Caliopie  was checkin out my butt the whole time.

Sounds Promising

Duh!

Randy: So I know this chick is like hot for me cause she's been totally into me all night, right, so I take her outside of The Lizard Lounge, which is the place my uncle Larry owns, and I'm like "My Uncle says that when I graduate that he's gonna let me be the night manager of this place"  and she's like "oh my gosh, I've never even known a night manager before" and she acted like she was all impressed cause I was gonna have so much power and like maybe if she was lucky I might let her have a piece of it.

Randy:  So I'm tellin myself 'Like Dude this chick is even hotter than Brandi Broke" and I told her that and she was all shocked like "no one has ever told me that before"  but I told her she aint gonna find no better romancer than me.  And then I'm like dude, wouldn't it be so cool if your first kiss with this girl was at The Lizard Lounge?  Uncle Larry might even let me use the storage closet.  And I know she's totally into me.  This girl is the sure thing.  So I make my move.

Randy:  I looked right at her Ta-Ta's and said "those are the best set I've ever seen -  can I check and see if they're real?

You asked to touch her?

Randy:  I wanted to see if they was real ones or if she had those  rubber honkers.

And then what happened?

Randy:  Everybody started yellin 'CUT!  CUT!"  and they brought the van to take us back to the house.  Caliopie was in a big fight with one of those producers.  I think she was tryin to get them to let me go home with her.  But they said we had to go.  I'm gonna take her back to the Lizard Lounge again.

Well Randy, that's not exactly how it went.  For the benefit of our viewing audience, we turned the cameras back on after you and the other Bachelors left The Lizard Lounge. 

Caliopie Legalos demanded an emergency meeting with Producers and I was called down to The Lizard Lounge to help diffuse the situation.

I arrived at The Lizard Lounge to meet one very angry young lady.

Caliopie:  What kind of a show is this?  What are you trying to do to me?  You can't possibly think these are the most eligible bachelors in Legacy Land? So far you've set me up with a Cross Dresser, A Streaker, and I was just nearly felt up by a Lounge Lizard inquiring as to whether or not I have breast implants!!!  I am not the Heiress of Strangetown!!!

I said what I could to calm the heiress' concerns.  In no way are we trying to run a circus here ladies and gentlemen.  I assured Miss Legalos that Legacy Land was on her side and that the most unsuitable bachelors had already been voted off.  I must be honest with you, our viewing audience, that Miss Legalos has threatened to leave "The Heiress" however, her contract does bind her to the show until the final episode even though she is not legally bound to marry the finalist.  However, if she does marry one of the two Finalist Bachelors from this show she will recieve an all expense paid Extreme Wedding  created by designer Negra Blanc, followed by a Honeymoon at the world famous DeNada Resort and Spa with air travel provided by Alpha Airlines - They'll keep you in the Air.

Randy.  Legacy Land didn't need to vote.  But they did.

You will NOT marry The Heiress.  Goodbye.

(Please see our Producers on the way out for details reagarding a restraining order that Miss Legalos has placed against you.)

Randy:  Man, I KNEW this show was rigged!  My Uncle Larry warned me about you reality tv people.  I shoulda just stuck to watchin UPN.  That girl was HOT for me, anybody could see that.  This is *$&*#*!

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