Legolas Legacy
Multiply, Divide, Prosper
I'm sleeping, and right in the middle of a good dream, like all at once I wake up, from something that keeps knocking at my brain, before I go insane I hold my pillow to my head.... Wait. Where's my pillow? I don't feel my pillow.
I don't feel my bed either. Don't tell me I've passed out on the front lawn again. Robi hates when I do this. I'm a Professional Party Guest. Passing out on lawns is part of my job. Wait. I hear someone. Drat. I'm busted.
Oh no. Who are these people? Where am I? I was afraid this would happen someday... Passed out on a stranger's lawn. How embarassing.
Hi, uh, I'm sorry to have passed out on your lawn like this. If you can give me the address I'll call my ride to come pick me up.
You're at 205 Legacy Drive. In Legacy Land, of course.
205 Legacy Drive? But, but, that's MY address. And this isn't my house. Was I at a party here last night?
Caliopie Legalos!
Ummm, yes?
You don't recognize me, do you?
Should I? I mean, yeah, of course, you were wearing the lampshade last night. You've got to teach me those dance moves sometime...
No, no. No parties. I'm your Great Great Great Grandfather, Aristotle Legalos!
Heh, Heh, Heh. VERY FUNNY. Uh, You're DEAD.
Well, that's partially true. I'm mostly dead.
Is that like being 'a little bit pregnant' ?
Actually, yes it is. But that's not important.
Umm, it's very important to me, if I'm DEAD.
No, no, no. You're not DEAD. Not yet anyway. Has anyone told you you've got your Great Great Grandmother Cassidy's spunk?
Great Great Cassidy who?
Don't you know anything about your ancestors? About our family's Legacy?
Uh, Robi mentioned something about a web site. All I know is I had to be the family Heiress since my brother and sister hooked up with other people. But seriously, what am I doing here??? And how can I be at my address, but not at my house? And why am I seeing dead people? Don't tell me it's like that movie...
Ok. You obviously don't get it. Capernicus, can you explain it to her?
I'll give it a shot Dad.
Caliopie. I'm your Great Great Grandfather Capernicus.
Ok. You're dead too. This isn't helping.
We, uh, that being your other dead ancestors and I, have some concerns about you being The Legalos Heiress, so we called you here as kind of an 'intervention'
An intervention? Listen, I'm really not suited for this 'producing an heir' thing.
We noticed.
Great. Listen, can't we just use one of Izzy's kids? She wants to have like 10 of them. Or Plato's son, he was the first born in this generation. He'd be a great heir.
Just ONE Caliopie. You must produce ONE offspring to carry on the family line. We brought you here because we're only mostly dead. According to the Legacy rules set by my father, Aristotle, our souls cannot be at rest until the 10th generation is born.
But I'm only generation 6.
Exactly, if 6 does not become 7, and 7 become 8 and so forth, our souls will never be at rest. The Legacy MUST be completed.
So... you brought me here because you're worried I won't continue the legacy?
Pretty much.
This is like some kind of sick chain letter. Only worse.....
Listen. Let me introduce you to the others.
The others?
The other Heirs, and Heiress that came before you. Over here is my daughter, your Great Grandmother Magna.
Magna. Yeah, I've seen your picture. Magna the MAGnificent, right? I was wondering who the other Heiress chick was. There's too many men in this family, don't you think? And what's up with this little house? Where's Shanley Manor?
Caliopie. Slow down. You've got a very important job to do. Now listen to me carefully.
Your job is to make as much money as possible for the family. Everyone must have a job. Do you understand me? If you work nights then you should be painting all day long. You need to make as much money as possible before you die. The same goes for everyone else in the house. Move townies in if you have to - but keep them working. You must make money Caliopie!
So you don't care if I have a kid?
On the contrary, I care a great deal. Scholarships children earn can be quite valuable, as is income in the teen years. Keep them working! But my soul cannot be at rest if you don't continue the line. And when you die, you'll be trapped here with me, for all eternity. Besides, if you fail to do this, my alien brother Gallileo will try to reclaim the Legacy, and we can't let our family fall into alien hands.
Oh man, you are wound even tighter than my dad said you were. And Uncle Gallileo. If he's not dead, what is he doing here?
Perhaps you should ask him that yourself.
Uncle Gallileo. You look so young! What are you doing here? You're not dead, are you???
No, No. I'm not dead. Being an alien has it's advantages, like being able to pop in and out of other worlds.
Oh, ok. Perhaps you could 'pop' me back to the real world then???
Sorry. Can't do that. But I can introduce you to some other people that you do know.
See that man over there with the baby? Do you recognize him?
Should I? Oh wait, he looks like Grandpa Newton, but with real hair, I mean, not gray hair. He looks so young. Whose baby is that?
That's his son.
His son? But Grandpa Newton, he died when I was a little girl, he and Grandma Erika. He was my dad's dad.
Yes....
Are you trying to tell me that that baby is my FATHER? But he's not dead? Oh please tell me he's not dead.
Ok. He's not dead.
Then why is he a baby?
Ummm, let's just call it a glitch in the time/space continuum. We don't really want him to have any memory of this little meeting. It could mess him up.
And what about my memories. Is this going to mess me up???
Uh, we hope not. But it's a chance we have to take.
Hi Sweetheart. You've grown up so nicely. It's good to see you again.
Hi Grandpa. Uh, the baby, who exactly is it? Uncle Gallileo said...
This is my son, Socrates, He grows up to be your dad.
Ok. Whatever I drank last night. I'm never drinking it again. My father is a toddler. I'm going to lose my mind now. Goodbye....
Oh One flew over the Cukoo's Nest! Lock me up! Put me under arrest! I've lost my mind, I must confess, This one flew over the Cukoo's Nest!
Calizopee? Calizopee? Gives me your hand girls. Comes on, Comes on. Stands up!
Der, der, Dat is not better? Yes? Is alright. Is alright. I know, very bigs shock, all of da dead people and little boys. Der, der.
(heavy breathing)
Hoo, please. Take me home!
Yes, of course. But first, youz must complete challenge.
Challenge?
Yes. Verzy simple. You must realize destiny, then, you go home. Eazy. No?
Destiny? I have to stay here until I realize my destiny?? Ok, how do I do that?
Sorries. No hintz. Butz I sinks you alreadys knows.
But, how long do I have to be here? Those other reality people will be worried about me. What about my parents, and Robi???
Oh, no worry. I stop time.
You stopped time?
Oh yes. Is no problem. When you completes shallenge, it will start again.
So, am I stuck here until I produce an heir or something? I can't very well breed without Robi, can I?
No no nos. Change must happen in heart, not body. Let me try dis. Look eye.
Round and round and round and round and round and round. Ok Hoo, this is making me sick
Keep looking! Look eye! Look eye!
Looking at this is suposed to make me want to have a baby???
I'm a chicken! I'm a chicken! I don't want to have babies! I'm a chicken!
Bing! I'm cured. Can I go home now???
No, sorries. Not so easy. When heart change, you will know. THEN you goes home.
So I'm supposed to stay here, with my dead relatives? Until I want to have a baby?
Somezing like dat.
I'm a hostage?
Somezing like dat. I come back zoon. Checks on your progresses. In mean times. Talk to rezatives. Dey verzy nice peoples. Goodbyes!
I guess this is it. I'm stuck here in some half- reality with my dead relatives. Well, mostly dead relatives. And I'm supposed to realize my 'destiny' ???
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