Confessions of an Heiress

Cali Talks

Hi. Somehow I knew you'd be here. I just got home from work, well, from a party. But that's what I do, I go to parties for a living. One of the executives at the potato chip company just bought a new house and he had some people over. Since I'm the "official" spokeswoman for "Chips off the Block" they like to have me appear at those kinds of events. It's all the chips you can eat at these parties, AND they pay me. Can you believe that?

I'm sorry. I'm being rude. Have a seat. Can I get you a bag of chips? I've been expecting you. I suppose this is as good a time to talk as any.

I know why you're here. You want to know what happened after I married Robi. I mean, you know what's been happening in my family, but I admit, I've been a bit lax in the updating department. You want to know what life is like at Shanley Manor, that sort of stuff, right? Oh, and that thing that says I have to get pregnant and have a baby. Well, I'll try to answer your questions, but I can't promise you'll like the answers.

Yes. The rumors are true. I really did marry the perfect man. Being married to Robi is a kind of wonderful that I didn't even know existed until now. Robi really loves me and in a way that I don't think anybody else ever has.

He's madly in love with me and he puts a good deal of his energy into making this very clear.

I'm madly in love with him too. All those bubbles and steam in the hot tub? That's all us. We don't even have to turn it on any more. We just get in and the water boils.

You already know, we live with my parents, which has proven to be.....interesting. Mom and Dad seem to have changed a lot while I was away at college. It's like they got young or something scary.

Just try choking down a pop tart when your parents show up at the breakfast table wearing super hero lingerie....

Believe me, when dad starts making jokes about mom tying him up with her magic lasso....

I really don't think I can talk about this. It might be ok if we were a normal family, where we all went our separate ways after breakfast and went away to a job or something. But no...., everybody works right here. One big happy family.

Shanley Manor is the new headquarters for UggBugg Pest Control, Robi's business. His parents have retired and handed the business completely over to him. Somehow my parents have jumped on board the UggBugg wagon and they're helping Robi to run the business. He has a team of exterminators that he manages off site.

Mom helps with the book keeping.

And dad answers the phone when Robi is out on service calls. "Ugg Bugg Pest Control - Your bugs are as good as dead" Dad's really gotten into it. He still goes to his tree hugger conventions, but not as often, and so 'for fun' he helps Robi. He seems to like it when people call up and try to describe the bug problem they are having. I think it's because dad enjoys asking questions like "does it have 6 eyes?"

Since most of my jobs, errr...parties, are at night, I often help Robi out in the day time. Now by 'help' I don't mean I actually kill bugs or anything.

I just ride around in the truck with him. I know what you're thinking. Riding around in a bug truck - ICK. Well, yeah. BUT a smart girl knows how to use this to her advantage... I mean it would be awful if a bug crawled down into this icky jumpsuit.

That's when I have to call on my bug boy to uh, perform a service call...

Oh and ummm, yeah. Those bug trucks. Plenty of room in the back.

Oh. I forgot to warn you. If you're related to me, if your last birthday party was at a skating rink or involved a clown, if you're not allowed to stay up past midnight, or you're offended by anything, ummm, thanks for stopping by. I've probably already told you too much. I'm an Heiress. I don't have kids, and my life is working out pretty good right now, so I don't plan on having them. It would kind of cramp my style. I'll explain what I mean. But only if you really want to know.

Alright keep talking.